From the Top Secret Memories of Beloved Leader:

“I was born in the shadow of Baekdu Mountain as was foretold by a sparrow, and was heralded by a double rainbow over Baekdu Mountain and a new star in the heavens above.”

“Soon after, my father moved the family into the Soviet Union where he learned the true meaning of communism as the leader of a soviet brigade. After the Great Patriotic War the family moved back to North Korea. We lived in a huge mansion with a pool. My brother was fascinated with the pool. Maybe it was my push that helped him study it better, or not. Alas his fascination did him in. Later mother argued with me. She later died in childbirth, or so they said.”

“I studied political science under my father, Kim Il Sung, and at his side my education grew. Father had me even study abroad, even going as far away from my beloved homeland as Malta, where I studied English. I am a good speaker of English.”

“My raise through the ranks of the Korean Workers’ Party, would be considered meteoric. At first I was involved with protecting the party from revisionists after the Sino-Soviet split. Those writers and others who didn’t follow the dictates of father were dealt with. Later I was to be involved in straightening out the wrong thinking in the military. Several revisionist officers were expelled.”

“It was my work with artists and writers that influenced me to get involved. I found the work fascinating, and during those years wrote thousands of books, operas, and plays. All to show the common man the truth about Marx-Leninism.”

"All great things come to those who wait. Father has passed. The state funeral for the great man lasted for days. The people did their utmost to honor Father, and further honor me by proclaiming me their Beloved Leader. They're willing to give everything for me. I truly am their Beloved Leader."

Kim Jong Il thinks he’s the greatest political mind of the age, and oddly enough the people of North Korea agree with him. There is no plan that Beloved Leader doesn’t believe will be successful, but in the unlikely event something were to go wrong, Beloved Leader has four million scapegoats to pick from.

Beloved Leader like his people is convinced of his own greatest. He knows that he’s the greatest writer in the world, and has written several bestsellers (in North Korea), and even some operas that have been critically acclaimed (again in North Korea).

Kim Jong Il is obsessed with secrecy. He’ll have anyone who divulges state secrets executed, with a few exceptions. Beloved Leader, also is obsessed with his own security, and almost has a sixth sense when it comes to danger to himself. The real sign of his own insecurity is the fact that he rides around in a giant robot.

“Herro Heroes! It was inevitabre that you wourd farr into my crutches! My devoted scientists terr me that this death trap is inescapabre!”

Kim Jong Il has no actual powers per se. However, to the North Korean people, he’s almost a god, and they generally treat him as such. Hence the title Beloved Leader. Kim Jong Il wears special khaki’s that acts like body armor, glasses that lets him see through other peoples, usually women clothes, and has a hidden pistol for emergencies.

The one thing that sets Kim Jong Il from other dictators is the Red Flag Vanguard Robot. While the design for the robot are about fifty years out of date, it still is impressive, and has been upgraded with the finest North Korean technology. With the Red Flag Vanguard Robot, the Beloved Leader is assured to make the capitalist, imperialist Americans and their nefarious allies quake in their boots.

Kim Jong Il, or Beloved Leader as he’s affectionately known to the people of North Korea, is an odd looking man. He’s short, barely standing over five feet in height, and pudgy, obviously overweight. Beloved Leader is a bespeckled man with a high pompadour, who most would over look, however, Beloved Leader, is probably the most powerful communist leader in the world. His usual dress is in khaki, a windbreaker, trousers, and elevator shoes.